After losing my hosting that all my images were on, and after losing my password to this LiveJournal for quite a while, I've decided to move this blog to a Blogger account. While this means that, sadly, all the comments people have made will be lost, and while it does mean that I will be in essence starting over from scratch, I will at least have stable image hosting so that situations like this can't happen again.

Right now, the blog can be found at this address:

http://badalbumart.blogspot.com

I don't have much put up there yet, but it will eventually cover all of the albums I've covered over the course of this blog, as well as all-new content. For a while, though, it'll be in reruns until I have everything ported over.

There are so many hilarious things about this cover that it's easiest to just make a list.

1) The fact this photo was obviously taken in a studio warehouse instead of a barn
2) The black on yellow text cheerfully suggesting that this LP is a "collector's item" in much the same way that NASCAR plates and Precious Moments figurines are "collectable."
3) The expression on the vaguely-Jimmy Carter looking guy in the center which seems to be very gleeful at the fact that he suckered a bunch of people into thinking said LP is a collector's item
4) The blonde woman's posing, which suggests a combination of "I had better adjust my helmet made of hair," "I have gone deaf from listening to this music for extended periods of time," and "I am actually a mannequin that the photographer found stashed behind these haybales."
5) The lustful gleam in the eye of the top center dobro player that seems to be directed toward Mr. Polka-Dot Shirt.
6) The names of the artists they got to contribute to this compilation in the first place, especially "Shot Jackson."

"Huh? Who are you assholes? Can't you see I'm eating? An album cover? Can't you fuckheads just get out of here! Look, if you want a picture so bad, just take one right now. I ain't in no fuckin' mood to get up and dick around for a half-hour while my food gets cold. Either take a picture or get out, now!"

Quite a while ago, I took these guys to task for one version of their album Operation, which featured a katydid chewing up human babies. What I didn't realize at the time is that apparently Birth Control's album covers came in a variety of different forms. I wasn't surprised to learn, of course, that most of these alternate forms were just as shitty.

Therefore, we have this alternate take on Operation. Instead of a giant insect committing infanticide, we see some sort of eel inside a water-filled condom. Like with most of Birth Control's covers, I really have no idea what this has to do with the concept of birth control, if anything. I mean, the idea "wear a condom or else a giant eel will come out of your penis and destroy your girlfriend's cervix" is juuust a bit insane.

Speaking of cash-ins, this cover just breaks my eyes almost every time I look at it. I refuse to believe that anyone with any inkling of design sense had anything to do with this cover. Using photo negatives on an album cover is a gamble under the best circumstances, but typically you should try to use contrasting covers to make the negatives stand out instead of using a horrible grey background that makes them blend in. The clashing red on the "Naked" and even the inherent awkwardness of the album's title (never, EVER use ellipses in an album title, I beg you) just make things worse. Jesus, they didn't even get Harrison's photo right.

The hilarious thing about this cover is, as amateurish and nasty as it looks, simply making a negative of the existing album cover results in a much more professional looking cover that's far easier on the eyes. Nicer color palette, less clashing color contrast, and overall a nicer viewing experience. It still has problems, but at least they're workable problems.

You know the album you're releasing is a cynical cash-in when you can't even spring for actual album artwork. Granted, stark minimalism can work sometimes (such as the iconic art for the Beatles' White Album), but that's assuming that whatever typography or lettering you're using is actually pleasing on the eyes in the first place. This looks like a weathered, bargain-basement flier for a yard sale or something.

"Oh I'll get my reward all right! A reward of ETERNAL GLOBAL DOMINATION! I'm going to have to get rid of this leisure suit first, though. Isn't really becoming of the future WORLD EMPREROR TRIPP! Shit, playing with this overhead projector was fun, Marlene was right."

Eddie actually only learned the organ because he thought he could pick up chicks. When he discovered that most women don't find playing the organ very attractive, he resorted to subliminal attempts to bring attention to his other "organ" in his album covers. His attempts, it should be noted, were not all that subtle.

(this image comes courtesy, again, of Bizarre Records)

Ah yes, whenever I think of the smooth, folky melodies of Crosby, Stills, and Nash, what immediately comes to mind for me is giant hot dogs. On the moon.

You hear that, women with breast cancer? Ted Nugent says "Fuck you!"

Amazingly, this is actually less demeaning to women than the original, unused concept version of this album cover.

Now that I'm used to my collegiate schedule and things aren't as hectic with me, I'm going to try to do somewhat regular updates. Again.

I've also been trying to find a job with little success. I've considered putting Paypal information in my profile, but I'd feel guilty doing even that.

At any rate, be sure to get ready for more bad album covers. I'm even celebrating this new round of updates by actually getting myself a userpic now.

Just when I thought I'd seen everything there possibly is to see on an album cover, I find what seems to be the world's first-ever white trash elf. I suspect the artist must've got his inspiration from just taking a good, long look at Ronnie James Dio.

Jerry Colonna quite frankly looks like he took a whole mouthful of uppers with his coffee this morning.

This is one of those instances where, by itself, the art style could've been fantastic, but deciding to superimpose actual photos of Jerry Colonna and entourage over the artwork just makes things really awkward and kind of ugly.

This album cover proves that no matter how disastrously bad your fashion sense is, you can always make it look that much more ridiculous if you portray yourself with some artwork as drawn by a 10 year old.

I'm starting to get to the point where I legitimately have to ask what the deal is with psychedelic or metal bands featuring such amateurish, awkward artwork on their albums. Is this just inherent to these bands' style? Does it reflect upon the maturity and/or drug-addled states of these people's minds? I'm seriously starting to get bored of these covers. At least branch out into other styles of awfulness!

Given that this particular band are Japanese, though, maybe I can cut them some slack. Presumably they just figured that bad album covers were part of the territory and dutifully obliged.

You really can't get much better than the utterly intense look on this poor guy's face. It suggests a combination of sheer tenacity, blind rage, and a touch of masochistic stupidity that apparently are all qualities sought by the U.S. Armed Forces. I've never really pretended to understand the mindset of those who need to buy a workout video/album that shouts like crazy at them, but at least I can make fun of the covers.

Never before have I seen an album cover which makes the concept of lust seem so utterly distasteful as to make celibacy seem like a reasonable alternative.

To finish this update of all-Beatles, all the time, there's this, which isn't actually a Beatles release but bears mentioning anyway. You know those dumb "jingle pets" things that get played on some of the more pathetic radio stations around the holidays? Those "songs" that are old Christmas tunes featuring pitch-shifted dog barks and other animal noises in place of actual singing? Well someone decided to do a whole album of Beatles songs in that "style" and left us with both some truly wretched music and a pretty damn bad album cover. I really can't say much more on this subject. If you listen to any of the mp3s on the site provided, you'll realize that no other explanation is required at all. This is an album straight from the pits of hell itself and to speak of it would just be to invoke its dark powers to destroy all that is good and just in the world. Or at least wreck some pretty good Beatles tunes.

Further proving the Beatles weren't quite as infallable as people make them out to be, here's this hilarious cover which proves a point that my blog has subtly been making for a while now: drugs caused people in the 1960s to do really silly things they thought were cool at the time. Thus we have the Beatles dressed up in goofy animal costumes in front of really awful (and now awfully dated) psychedelic backdrops. The starburst motif was honestly silly enough but the American LP cover shown here just made matters worse with the bizarre yellow/blue cloud texture stuff. Not really a high point from an artistic perspective (though I do like the actual music on this release).

I've been kind of hesitant to do this cover. The Beatles occupy a space in music history so vast that to criticize the band at all often borders on heresy. But let's ignore the whole "GREATEST BAND EVER" critical fawning for a second and be reasonable here; this cover is fucking awful.

I can't really imagine how an idea this asinine was concocted in the first place. "Let's drape meat and plastic body parts on the Beatles!" sounds like a bad joke, not an actual art project. Even then, using one of said images for an album cover is not only asinine but a huge lapse in judgement. Everyone's favorite mop-topped whatevers covered in meat is not something your average pop fan wants to consider here.

Now some people consider this album cover to be a brilliant method by the Beatles to stick it to the man and make some sort of bold artistic statement. An artistic statement involving meat, I guess. I agree more with George Harrison's take on this whole thing; "I thought it was gross, and I also thought it was stupid. Sometimes we all did stupid things thinking it was cool and hip when it was naïve and dumb; and that was one of them."