"Huh? Who are you assholes? Can't you see I'm eating? An album cover? Can't you fuckheads just get out of here! Look, if you want a picture so bad, just take one right now. I ain't in no fuckin' mood to get up and dick around for a half-hour while my food gets cold. Either take a picture or get out, now!"

Jerry Colonna quite frankly looks like he took a whole mouthful of uppers with his coffee this morning.

This is one of those instances where, by itself, the art style could've been fantastic, but deciding to superimpose actual photos of Jerry Colonna and entourage over the artwork just makes things really awkward and kind of ugly.

"Duhhh, hey maw! I finally got me one of them there recordin' contracts! And I think this purdy lady likes me! Ah'm gonna be livin' the good life now! Huh? Whaddya mean they're takin' a pitcher of me right now?"

Well. Sometimes, I really just don't need to say anything at all about these covers.

It's so sweet that Carl made a nest in his hair for Jesus to come roost in.

Among Roger's many facets are his inability to dress himself in clothing that isn't simultaneously ridiculous and eye-searingly ugly, his inability to get a decent haircut, and his shameless mugging for the department store camera that undoubtedly was used to create these shots in the first place.

I'm not sure how to read Violet's facial expression here. Either she's been constipated for days and is waiting for her prunes to kick in, or she's completely forgotten that she was supposed to have a photo taken for her album cover and is wondering just who in the hell these strange people with cameras are that came into her house and scared her cats. I'm thinking it's almost the latter since she apparently took the time to try and pick out the dress that acted as the best camoflage against her floral print wallpaper.

(as the watermark states, this image also comes courtesy of Bizarre Records)

While I'm pretty sure the album title/cover combo are meant to work as a joke, this still leaves me with a photo of a very pasty white fat... um, thing all suited up for some S&M fun in some dungeon somewhere. Maybe I'm a bit too square, but I don't especially find this to be very effective album cover material. I mean, at least make it so I can figure out the gender of whatever it is that's being tied up next time.

What's happened to daddy, Rhonda, is that he bought a cheap suit that's somehow made him think that he's wealthier than he actually is, if we can believe the unbelievably awful song title advertised here. He also may be suffering from bee sting allergies given the puffiness of his face. I'd also rather not speculate why the microphone you happen to be holding looks vaguely like a vibrator.

These people are so collectively ugly that I'm sure Satan wouldn't want anything to do with them in the first place. "Send these guys to hell? Are you nuts? These people think avocado green actually looks good on them! They're too stupid to be evil! And stop bothering me about tempting the McKeithens, since they ain't cutting it either."

While the McKeithens as a whole are an ugly, ugly family and I could describe the flaws of each for possibly two or three pages, what concerns me most is the mother's hair. It looks terrifyingly unreal, almost as if some space alien replaced her hair with some sort of egg sac and in a few minutes a bunch of space parasites are going to burst from it and latch themselves onto her extremely mannish daughter, or maybe the grinning idiot in the back.

Somebody needs to tell this chicken that it's generally a good idea to check if your fly is zipped before posing for an album cover.

If Charlie's Angels were cheap, ugly white trash.

Ms. Tee realizes that "doin' thangs" just isn't all that exciting. What's really important is having things, such as really blurry photographs on album covers, ugly upholstered chairs, and non-descript framed images of what appears to be the interior of someone's colon. She hasn't quite progressed up to having the good stuff, but at least she has things, and that's all that counts.

This Spanish-released ABBA album poses the question: what is the dorkiest thing about it? Is it:

A) The matching jumpsuits for each couple, as it were.
B) Bjorn's ridiculous facial expression
C) Agnetha and Anni-Frid's mutual ridiculous facial expression
D) Benny's captivating UGG boots
E) The crayon scribbles around the exterior of the photograph
F) write-in

You, the readers, get to choose.

This seems to answer the age-old question of whether it's possible for mummies to rise back from the dead and release albums.

Clifton proves to us that it's entirely possible to replace all of your teeth with zebra mussels and still crank out a smile fit for an album cover.

You know, usually when people in lousy bands put on KISS makeup, it's in an attempt to make them look cool and mysterious, not completely fucking ridiculous. Then again, KISS makeup makes prettymuch every band look ridiculous anyway so I guess Knorkator were just cutting straight to the point. The supernaturally-whitened buck teeth on all of them is a great touch, as is the amazingly receded hairline of the guy on the left.

Knorkator: proving that KISS aren't the only ugly, middle-aged schmucks wearing stupid clown makeup.

(Research has shown to me that Knorkator don't really take themselves seriously. While I applaud them for going down that route, this album cover is still pretty lousy, so my previous opinion stands.)

I think we've finally discovered the root cause for all of Dick Cheney's anger management problems right here.

You know, I'm probably going to regret making this sort of wager, but I have to say this; I don't think it's possible to find a more blatantly homoerotic album cover than this. Not that there's anything at all wrong with homosexuality or anything like that, of course, but seriously, just look at it.

What pushes this into the bad category isn't exactly the massive amounts of male flesh, it's the horrible 70s hairdos and facial hair. Plus there's the grins. If you're attempting to be sexy, huge, dorky, dopey grins don't help at all.

One last trivia fact: some of the band members were brothers. This puts so much more weirdness into the cover that I'm not sure I can accurately convey it, so I'll just be blunt; this album cover sucks.